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Simply Citified!

A city girl's take on living life simply and enjoying the things that truly matter to us at the end of the day.



Education, as we know plays a major role in defining who we are and what we will become in the future. It doesn’t always have to be the things we study from educational institutions, but every bit of good knowledge is crucial and will help us in our life in one way or another

There is a saying, “No other investment has such a lasting effect as the education of children. Children who go to school are healthier, more self-assured and can more easily assume a profession”. So education should be made mandatory for each and every child for their well being and for a healthy future. 

Another thing about education is that it shouldn’t be forced onto a person, it should be willingly accepted. Without that acceptance, education doesn’t serve it's purpose. 

India, home to more than 1.2 billion people and counting, is rather known for a very strange and bizarre practice which has happening for quite a while. It is not seen anywhere else in this world. When you are done with your high school studies and waiting for your results, you have relatives and family friends coming from all over, even those whom you have never seen in your life, and saying: “ DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT? GO FOR ENGINEERING. IT’S THE FIELD WITH MOST HOPE!!!" 

And there starts your misery! 

In a country which has the most number of highest and lowest educated people in the world, very limited number of children make it till high school and go beyond for further education without any hindrance. Whenever a child passes high school, there starts the family's dilemma and at the right time enters many known and unknown people giving all sorts of advices and suggestions, which always, sadly, ends in ENGINEERING!

So the child is pressurized and then gets pushed into a whirlpool. Putting up a fight in the beginning and later understanding the fact that there is no fighting it, the child finally have to give up and go with the flow. 

Then, starts the most miserable four years of his or her life. My life was no different. 

Born in an average family, I was educated a very good school. In my lower elementary classes, I remember teachers asking, “who do you want to be when you grow up?”. I remember my friends saying football player, astronaut, soldier etc. 

Mine was to be a pilot because I was always fascinated with flying. Years later, even though my ambitions changed, my academic grades remained consistent. In the 10th standard board exams, I scored very high marks. 

But then, I got lazy in my 11th grade and I somehow managed just to passThen came the final year of high school - the deciding year, on what your real goal in life is and to pursue it in the years to follow. But I was faced with much worse problems. I was affected by a rare medical issue and I was struggling with its treatment for 3 months and was totally depressed about how I could manage to write my final exams. 

Against all odds, ignoring all the possibility of failure, I worked hard day and night and attended my final exams and scored excellent grades. 

The happiness, however, was short-lived. 

The biggest question in my life hit me - WHAT NEXT? 

While I was down with treatment, all my friends were planning their future. I was left clueless. There were debates within the family on the courses I could go for. A sudden decision was finally made based on opinions from other's suggestions as I was without one of my own. 

There I was, with the only option left - to join engineering. 

In most cases parents don’t even think of asking what their child aspires to be in life and simply make their kid walk a path that they feel is best for them. That is the most gruesome thing one can do to their child who has dreams and ambitions about his/her future but is helpless to speak about it. 

As I was depressed and clueless on my goal back then, the only thing I could do was agree with my parents' decision and go with them to the place that I will be regretting for the next four years of my life. 

Classes commenced a month later. I was in a totally different atmosphere there, trying to mingle with people I've never seen or talked to ever in my life. I felt like a penguin in a group of African grey parrots struggling to fit in. It went on like that for several days till I made some good friends. But as the classes went on full swing, my head started feeling like a pressure cooker kept inside a microwave which was about to burst! 

I was totally feeling out of place, left with no choice but to endure it. After finishing the 1st year exams, I really grew more and more conscious about my passion for photography. But by then it was really late. I flunked my exams, big time. So there was no turning back. I was literally suffocating like a fish out of water, the more I realised I was in a place I didn’t fit in. Bearing my parents' faces and expectations in mind, I had to keep my interests and passions aside and bear this headache called engineering. 

After four years of  hardshiphere I am one among the millions of jobless engineers in the country who are facing constant criticisms from family and relatives and bearing the burden of expectations on my shoulders. Now I am forced to look up a job that doesn’t even have any relation to what I studied and spend the rest of my life working within four walls to earn a living. This is not just my story. It’s the life story of many people out there whose dreams were sacrificed so that their parents could call their child an engineer. 

The main reasons for such a weird trend  is because 
  • Parents don’t trust their children to take risks in life by doing something new. They always choose the easy way. 
  • They prefer to follow someone rather than make their own way. 
  • Lack of proper carrier guidance. 
  • Countless number of engineering collages make things much easier for parents to blindly choose that field rather than look for something different. 
  • Lack of knowledge about other opportunities. 
  • Jobless and ignorant people giving unwanted suggestions and advice to innocent parents who don’t have much knowledge about the opportunities that are available outside. 
To every parent out there who are planning on sending your son or daughter for engineering, here are some information I would like to share:
  1. On an average, more than 1.5 million engineering graduates pass out every year in our country (India) of which about a million are jobless. Among the ones getting placements, only 20% get good pay. The rest work for so little salary that they won't be able to survive 2 weeks with a family in that income. 
  2. The sad truth is that even after knowing all these facts, parents still line up at engineering collages with donations for admissions for their child. So next time before you listen to others' suggestions and advice, go to your child and spend time with your child to know his / her interests and motivate them to pursue their dreams. Or else your child will end up like millions of other children who dreamt about flying, but whose wings got clipped even before they tried flapping it. 

Todays children are the ones who plays the major role in reshaping the future and face of our country with new innovations and talents. So next time when someone walks up to a parent and ask “why didn’t you send your child for engineering?”, they should proudly say, “I didn’t, because I let my child follow his / her dreams”! 

At the end of the day, a secured future is what every parent want for their child. Parents can be proud of themselves for raising an amazing kid and letting their child follow his / her own path towards their success, rather than pushing them off a cliff into something they aren't even vaguely interested in.


As I'd mentioned in my earlier post about the 4 basic human emotions, I wish to share the techniques I learned to control my anxiety disorder. These days, anxiety is a common problem in children as well as adults and seniors. There's nothing to be embarrassed about it because, let's face it, today's world is a stressful place to live in. It is really sad that so many people are suffering from anxiety but so few realise it and worse, even less get professional help to get rid of it.

Unfortunately, anxiety isn't something that can be treated with medication. Very seldom, the medication we get for anxiety basically just reduces your blood pressure, to make you somewhat relaxed. You know the connection -> higher BP = hypertension = anxiety (the general equation).

For people with mild anxiety, it might work. But for others, like me, who suffer serious disorder, in which an attack can last hours and leave you and your loved ones absolutely exhausted, medicines do little if not nothing.

The best medicine I received was one which just put me to sleep. So I'd get a panic attack, freak everyone out, pop the pill before I lose consciousness and slowly fall asleep - painfully (panic attacks are painful!)

There were times when I couldn't sleep even after taking 3 pills. Yes, that's how bad it was for me.

This is the 1st one I learned. It's called the Swish technique, which is one of the hundreds of
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques that Psychologists use to help their patients overcome fear, anxiety and many other problems.


Basically, NLP has everything to do with training our brain to process our thoughts differently. It can be used throughout your life in various situations to bring your emotions under control, and to make yourself better at handling tough situations.

I found these techniques really easy to follow and it helped me take control of my mind really quickly. I was told by my Psychologist that it's not the same for everyone. The experiences may vary with different people. So if you don't get it on your first try, don't worry - just keep trying and you will definitely see results.

Of course, for better results, you should consult a professional. He / she will be able to coach you to bring out the best in you.  :)

How do you do it?


When you  feel anxious (or scared, or anything negative), close your eyes, relax your body and mind. Relax your forehead, eyes, facial muscles, mouth, neck, shoulders, hands, fingers, legs, back, hips, feet, toes, fingers.. You get it - your whole body.

That's a difficult task to accomplish when you're anxious, I know. When you feel like you're heart, mind and body is simply not in your control, it is a really big deal trying to relax.

But, just do it as far as you can go. You can feel a difference just by trying. Trying is the keyword here. As long as you don't give up, you're halfway there.

Concentrate on the parts of your body that are having a reaction to the anxious feeling and once you have identified that, envision the pain in your mind. Imagine it as something physical, with a colour.

Then, use your hands and in one motion, envision yourself pulling the discomfort out of your body. Imagine pulling out the coloured object from the zone of your pain or discomfort. Imagine it leaving your body.

Repeat these, increasing your speed of removing the discomfort with each repetition.

After a few times, open your eyes, have a look around you and take in your present state. Bring yourself back to reality. Take in your surroundings, and the state that you're in. Feel the emotions. Figure out if you are feeling better.

If you feel like you're not completely ok yet, then repeat the same steps.

If you feel like you're ok, then stop the technique and allow yourself to relax.

I've been doing it continuously for a while now, but I'm not getting better. What should I do?

Stop. That's what you should do. Take a break. Try to walk around a bit or, if you feel like crying, cry. 

Don't push yourself too hard. Anxiety is something that gets better over time. Even then, some people never get rid of it 100%. 

With anxiety, you have to be patient with yourself. Accept the fact that it won't disappear overnight. You have to keep working at it regularly and have faith in yourself to truly see a difference in the long run. 

Or else, you will just get better for a while, and then go back to square one the next time you face a challenging situation. 

After taking a break for a while, try the technique again. There are other techniques you can try too, if you don't find this cut out for you. I will be writing about 4 more techniques that I learned in future posts. 

Till then, let me know how you felt after trying this. 

Wishing you guys a healthy mind and body. :)

Wow, it has been a month since I last blogged. I was in India, and the internet connection was slow so I thought I'd come back to Singapore and get back to my blog.

Now I'm back and well, here I am, back to blogging.

I would like to start off by wishing all fellow Malayalees a very Happy Vishu!

Vishu is the harvest festival celebrated by the people of Kerala, and many people mistake it for the New Year - even some Malayalees.

The New Year of Malayalees fall somewhere in September, on the Malayalam month of Chingam. The 1st day of Chingam is the New Year.

The most common reason for mistaking Vishu as the New Year is because it falls on or one day after the Tamil New Year.

This time of the year is celebrated by most Indians. It is either their New Year or Harvest festival. We Malayalee Hindus set up a special altar (like shown in the picture below) for Vishu, with a photo or statue of Lord Krishna, flowers, some seasonal fruits and vegetables, new clothes, coins and rice grains to represent abundance and prosperity. It's a way to seek blessings from Lord Krishna to yield good crops during the year, thus resulting in good food and wealth.

This is called the Vishukani and should be set up the night before. On Vishu, when we wake up, the Vishukani should be the first thing we set our eyes on. So in most households, the mother or father will light the lamp at the break of dawn, wake their family and guide them to the altar as their eyes will be closed. Then there is the usual Vishu feast with a variety of dishes, rice and desserts.

Malayalees overseas celebrate Vishu with what they can get in the country they're in. My husband and I are having a small celebration with a small altar set up, a couple special dishes and a dessert.

Ultimately, whether the celebration is big or small, it all comes down to one's faith in life. If we decide to stay positive, with positive thoughts and actions, we will always have a positive and prosperous life :)

 
Hello everyone, Abhiram Nair is a friend of mine, a bike enthusiast and a photographer. While I was talking to him one day, he was telling me about his biking experience, and I wanted to share it with all my readers. What is it like to ride a bike? Many people rule it as being supremely dangerous, but what does a biker guy say to that? Read on...



'When in doubt, pick a direction and go.' These might be the words that echo in most riders' minds when it comes to riding... believe me, it helps - every single time.

Riding a bike is purely an art. It's not for the faint hearted. That mechanical rumbling of the engine; the feel of all that power in your hand at the twist of a throttle; that sudden surge of adrenaline and  that pure rush of excitement. All that balanced on two wheels - the feel is simply second to none.

That moment when you are faced with a tough choice in life - something to let go, or just to feel the wind in your hair and breathe the fresh air - nothing proves more helpful than a long ride on your bike. The more you ride, the more solutions you will find to all your unanswered questions.

As we ride, we see everything around us move backward as we are striving forward. This can be related to our problems in life. As we move ahead in life, all our difficulties and sorrows are left behind.

Everyone should go for long ride at least once in their lifetime. Go places. Explore the unknown. Feel the nature. It's not somthing that everyone can do. But it's definitely something everyone should try to do. It's something that you are never going to regret. There are no true riders who left for a ride and came back disappointed. What they will return with is a smile on their face and lots and lots of great memories to remember for a lifetime. Every single time. 

Next time, to everyone out their who haven't rode a bike, never miss a chance to learn to ride one.

Only then will you know why they say, "Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out car windows"! 

Be safe. Ride longer.

Today's post will touch on a slightly personal note, but I felt like this should be shared just to lend some form of hope and encouragement to others like me.

I have not confided much in anyone about how affected I am by anxiety and depression. In my 26 years of life, twice I have been at the lowest point in my life - both times equally bad. I learned many different things through both experiences. But, as is well known about depression and anxiety, the phases were the most difficult and I have just started to slowly recover from it now.

The second phase has been as recent as last year, when I actually lost my memory and couldn't recognise people or places. Anxiety attacks were my constant companion - a painful shortness of breath which can cause you to black out in serious cases. Losing consciousness was common in my case.

After much struggle and support from my near and dear ones, I have reached where I am today. I was given medication to support my brain function as well as for sleep and recently, the dosage has been increased.

Recovering is a long and slow process, if it has affected you as much as it has me. And it is definitely not easy on your loved ones either. Earlier in my recovery phase, I was prone to self-mutilation and sudden fits of crying without knowing the reason. My moods also fluctuated drastically and it was nowhere within my control.

There were many instances where I asked why I keep going in circles and how I can change it. And it wasn't till my current visit to India that I found the answers I was looking for, through a counseling session.

The difference between Psychiatrists and Psychologists


I also learned that Psychiatrists are different from Psychologists and Counselors. Psychiatrists only mostly prescribe medicines. Very few psychiatrists actually spend the time to counsel you. Meanwhile, psychologists and counselors do not prescribe medicines. They listen to you, communicate with you and teach you methods to overcome your difficulties.

It is rather important to know this difference, for it can greatly influence the recovery phase. Medication alone is not sufficient in most cases. It was definitely not enough for me.

My counseling was arranged with a well known professor in Kerala, Prof. V. J. Anthony. Today, I just attended my 3rd counseling session. I have been showing significant improvement since the 2nd session, which was last week. I feel different and people around me have also noticed the positive changes in me.

The 4 basic human emotions


When you are anxious or depressed, it is not easy to motivate yourself. And the most common emotions are fear, grief / sorrow and anger.

I learned that these 3 are actually among the 4 most basic human emotions. The words used are Sad, Mad and Scared. The 4th emotion is happiness.. 'Glad'. So it's Glad, Sad, Mad and Scared. Easier to remember that way.

Isn't it really eye-opening and somewhat philosophical that the majority of our basic feelings are negative? Is it not little wonder that people always have to try hard to be happy? It is easier for us to feel angry, scared or sad, because it requires much less effort than to find happiness.

The aim in life is to actually overcome Mad, Sad and Scared, to live with Glad. Many people don't know this and many people, in their effort to face problems in life succumb to Mad, Sad and Scared. That's when depression and anxiety sets in. See - Mad, Sad and Scared leaves people feeling hopeless and helpless.

The methods that Prof. Anthony has been teaching me in the last two sessions are aimed at overcoming the 3 negative emotions and encouraging the indulgence in happiness without feeling undeserving of it. The methods are called Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP for short. And I will be writing all about what I've learned in upcoming posts. It's much better to dedicate single, descriptive posts to each of the methods I learned because I wish to share what I learned with everyone out there, instead of just mentioning it.

Whatever I have mentioned in this post was learned through my counseling sessions, and was taught to me by Prof. Anthony. It has shed light on a lot of the questions I had about myself and my illness, which is the reason why I am confidently able to say that I am finally on the road to a complete recovery right now.

Stay tuned for more details on what I learned.